pic of me and my maid of honor on my wedding day
Disclaimer: No shade to people who have found concrit useful in their fashion journey.
In 2017 I posted a photo of Simon and I freshly out of our court house marriage appointment on Facebook. I captioned it something like “Had to get our marriage license before our out of state wedding!Also, dipping my toe into lolita.” I was wearing my first lolita dress, a white BTSSB jsk (I’ll try to find the photo) and hadn’t gotten all the items yet but hey something white to wear to this occasion in the meantime. WRONG.
The outfit that caused the commotion.
Comments on the original post were nice but I got an anonymous message through Sarahah (an anonymous Q&A app from 2017) that scolded me as if I had ruin the entire lolita community’s reputation by wearing the dress without a blouse. I didn’t do my due diligence and proper research and it had disappointed them from what I can remember them saying. Eventually the perpetrator revealed themselves and tried to apologize but couldn’t help but add that I “should ask for concrit” on my outfits.
PFFFFT YEAH FUCK THAT!
…was my internal response. Since then I have (and probably before then) never sought out a concrit session on one of my outfits. I already knew I “needed” a blouse, I just wanted to wear the dress already anyway.
[concrit is short for constructive criticism. It’s something people can do from beginners to veterans to improve their outfit or get help from their jfashion community]
My maid of honor with the dress I was wearing in the earlier picture. I gave it to her.
My view on concrit is different than maybe how others view it in the jfashion community. To me, most concrit looks like what happens in art school. There’s an assignment you present to the class for critique. The students give mostly unhelpful comments and the professor has their own agenda for what they want you to make. You leave feeling even more confused on what you were trying to do but know you need to incorporate the concrit into your art to get a better review next time. That’s not the experience I want for something I wear on my body and directly affects my self image. I know that’s not everyone’s experience.
“But…but… how will you improve your fashion sense and outfit choices??? You don’t ever ask for any guidance at all?!”
Here’s my answer to that.
My first priority is to develop a personal relationship with my style.
That means I make note of what I feel comfortable in, silhouettes I enjoy, color combos I’m drawn to. I also consider the environments and events I’m often in. I try to notice this off social media with the inspiration and clothing I already have where I can’t be overwhelmed by the constant influx of cute outfit pics.
I look for inspiration or advice after I have a clear style goal in mind.
I come with a specific question about specific details I’m concerned about. Not just “is this outfit good” or “is this outfit -whatever style-enough?” Those questions prompt people to project their personal ideas of what the style is onto my expression rather than investigate what I’m going for. Most importantly, I aim to ask trusted individuals that know and care about me or at least have a similar taste.
I ignore the criticism and the praise.
As you can probably tell, I’m pretty internally motivated for better or worse lol I really do appreciate all the compliments on my style over the years and am of course affected on some level by negative online criticism or neglect. When it comes to online attention and putting together my outfits I try to center myself on what my body wants to wear in this era.
It can be very tempting to let attention I’ve gotten (or not gotten) in the past sway me to make unaligned choices. If the two align then great!
The wedding dress I ended up wearing by Angelic Pretty.
Ultimately, I don’t concrit should be an abolished practice since some people find it helpful for the alt fashion community. I think it’s commonly conducted in a way that’s unhelpful for my needs. My philosophy is that people will find their way eventually and we need to give them the space to do that without being critiqued into shape lol
What is your experience with concrit and fashion? Do you like this practice or is it not for you either?
6 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Take “ConCrit” On My Outfits.”
Michie
I completely agree with your views on that. Praise and criticism are two sides of a coin we flip and never know what we’re gonna get, it can be dangerous. But you were amazing on your marriage license day! Honestly, I can’t stop thinking one possible reason people say/said blouses should always be below the dress is because if they have this rule, they can always sell more blouses haha
Hard Decora
Thanks for your comment and compliment! haha It’s a conspiracy, I tell you! I think it has something to do with lolita fashion’s connection to modesty??? Don’t quote me on that haha
Dorian
I feel think a general rule should be to not give concrit unless asked and especially zero concrit on someone’s wedding attire 🤦♀️ which it think should be common etiquette.
As someone just starting to learn more about lolita styles, I think I struggle with the mentality of lolita as a hobby focused on learning the correct rules, brands, and replicating styles, rather than developing a personal style.
Hard Decora
Thanks for your comment!! Yes I do have this theory that replication and concrit is a major point of bonding or initiation into the lolita community in particular and perhaps with gyaru as well. I think it is a style suited for those who thrive on a formula for style. There are those that are more experimental within lolita though like Kursed Kaiser but for the most part they prefer you learn the rules (and display that you know them) before you can break the rules from what I have experienced. I hope you find your personal style through a lolita lens or otherwise despite the surrounding culture <3
Lychee
Great article! I think concrit as a culture is a bit scary because like damn, I can’t change whats already happened! If someone approached me in person while I was getting ready sure, or if my friend reccomended a certain thing thats great! But strangers commenting on how to improve my outfit online? Feels bad!
Also being a bit of an experimental dresser I’ve never bothered too much with concrit. Praise though, I never ignore! A compliment from someone in person is a wonderful gift, and theres usually something complimentary to gift back and its overall just a lovely exchange to make, prompted by fashion!
Hard Decora
Thanks for your comment! I love getting compliments and exchanging them with people! I just don’t want chasing compliments to be the sole basis for how I put together my outfits and navigate my fashion journey. So I kind of have to “de-emphasize” them in order to strike that balance personally.
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